I started this blog yesterday, but I had forgotten about it and accidentally went to sleep without saving  it LOL. W.e I guess that sort of made my point. I am not very productive and I am VERY forgetful. Ugh I know I should be doing so many things and to do each one individually and not to multitask but I can never focus on something unless it is super urgent. I procrastinate so much since the time crunch allows me to focus and really without it no matter what happens I can not really focus 100% on anything. There is an exception to this and that is having me isolated from things like my computer and my phone. But even then, if the task is daunting enough I find myself doing simply nothing for the longest time.

I wish I found a more productive hobby than manga, youtubeing, 9gaging, LoL, fb, and etc. I always wonder why I can’t simply do things like coding or working or even just studying without being bored so fast. But then again even my hobbies eventually bore me. I guess I just want some change. I want something amazing to happen in my life that will change everything. Somehow I don’t mind that it will take up time, because I simply waste time anyways. But, whenever I come across something like that that are like random fluctuations in my life, I often talk myself out of it, not even reasoning or anything, but given enough time to think and make the decision I always opt out. I guess I was guided by others for so long not allowed to make my own choices that when time came for me to make even simple choices like what I wanted to eat, I was almost unable to come up with anything. I wish I had the room to make more choices and mistakes. I hate how everything has to be perfect the first time around for me, and although my parents are forgiving in regard to this, they continually bring the past back again and again, its so irritating. Some days I just feel like I’m done, or fed up with everything and I just want to sit down somewhere and quit. Take a break from life. I guess my own real escape is playing games because I can beat others at it. Its nice to know that you are good at what you do and games really help because they give nice feedback for every tiny little thing that you do. Its really encouraging, maybe that’s why so many asians are “addicted” to games and also why they are so good hmm food for thought.